03 September 2012

Goodbye ... for now ... sort of ...

Three weeks ago today I was relaxing in Queenstown NZ (insert obligatory comment about how fast the time has gone). The holiday itself was nice, although perhaps not as quietly self-reflective as I had hoped. Fun was had, good food was eaten, sights were seen, those who wanted to went skiing and we all had a good time.

Lake Wakatipu, Queenstown, New Zealand

Unfortunately it wasn't anywhere near long enough for the full relaxing affects to take hold and I was still in a bit of a state when we arrived home ... so much so that I actually physically felt a cloud fall over me when the plane touched back down in Melbourne.

So, with the combined effects of post-holiday depression, SAD, HAD, a head cold, work stress and a dying cat getting the best of me I kind of shut down and disappeared for a while. I didn't want to be thinking about where my head was at, let alone sitting here typing it out, telling you all about it. Honesty is not something that comes easily to me when I'm in that state, I'd much rather pretend everything is okay ... or hide until it is.
Oh, just some more snow covered mountains ...

Then, the sun came out this weekend and Astro put on weight for the first time in six months (!) and things started to maybe look a little bit more bearable (also, the hormones are back at a normal level at the moment so the HAD, which is the worst of them, isn't affecting me at the moment - sorry if that's TMI, it's why I don't like talking about the d-word too much, it's linked to stuff that most people don't want to talk about publicly).

I spent most of this past weekend thinking about today's post. I have decided that it is time to really crack the metaphorical whip and get myself moving. As much as the 'Manifestos' are a good idea in theory, in practice they just aren't working. I need to just jump right in and start doing things. I must start exercising so that I sleep better, if I sleep better I will be better equipped to handle the stresses of work, if I'm coping better with stress I get home less tired, if I get home less tired I'm more likely to do some housework, if I do the housework I'll feel better about myself, if I feel better about myself I'm more likely to spend some time exercising, if I spend more time exercising ... well, you get the picture ...

Hooray for Spring sunshine!

I threw around a few ideas for new a series ('Just Do It' and 'Spring into Spring' got scrapped pretty quickly) but then realised that another thing that has been bothering me lately are the boxes I'm mentally placing around what I do and say here. Somewhere along the line, in my attempt to structure my life, the art has gone out of it ... the reason I stuck around here after our holiday was over had been squashed. Of course, I've seen this before - when depression kicks in the art is the first thing to go, even though it's the thing I need the most.

In the end I decided that what this post would mostly be about would be the fact that I am going to start doing all of the things that I need to start doing (get up early, exercise, concentrate, clean, organise) and stop doing all of the things I need to stop doing (allowing myself to get distracted, stressed, take the lazy option).

There's always one ...

Of course, as you may have gathered by now things changed even after making that decision and this has turned into a different post entirely ... in part because last night I realised something else, something right up there a couple of paragraphs ago, I spent most of the weekend thinking about this post. Really? It's time to get some perspective back. This place, my little part of the internet, was supposed to be about writing, creating, sharing, in my own way and what was on my mind. It is not something I do to make money and the making new friends part of it is a bonus ... a wonderful, happy, fun, shiny bonus ... but still not the reason I'm here.

And so, I'm stepping back for a short while. I will finish my Travelday posts ... I can't leave you stranded in Florence ... but aside from that I will be writing for the fun of it and sharing photos of my life, my pets, my home town if and when I want to. No boxes, no structure, no stress ... but hopefully a whole lot more fun!

Not a great photo, but wonderful memories.


  1. Good woman. If you aren't writing for the fun of it, something is seriously wrong. Take it easy on yourself, smile, look for laughter moments, and think about the fact that if you feel sick returning to "normal" life, then perhaps it's time to keep moving seriously towards another way of living. You can do it. xo

    1. Thank you ... some serious life type conversations happened on the weekend and I am (for the moment) feeling a lot better about where I am, where I'm going, how I'll get there and how long it will take. I can do it, but in the meantime I need to accept that where I'm at may be where I am for a while longer and learn to live happy in it anyway ...

  2. I'm so glad that you're feeling in a bit better place right now. I'll respond more in depth in an email with the heavier discussion aspects, but here, I will just say that your brown dog's face is super cute scrumply, and WOW look at those mountains! Beautiful beautiful beautiful:)

    Oh, I will also say write if and when you want to write. We'll be here!

    1. Me too, it really is like I'm breathing different air at the moment. She's a scrumply, roly one alright - she was pretty much out to it in the sun there, just barely lifting her head and half opening her eyes when she noticed the camera. It is an absolutely beautiful part of a beautiful country ... plans are already being made to go back at the same time next year (I'm told the skiing is much better than anything here in Aus).

      Thank you, just knowing that you guys are out there has been great these past few weeks.

  3. Hey,
    Just catching up on blogs after being away, so sorry for the delayed repsonse, but big hugs to you and I hope you are feeling better.
    I agree with Emma, write what you want when you want.
    And I love the second last photo with the photo bombing cat. :-)

    1. No need to apologise, I've been pretty delayed in my posting lately! Thank you, these internet hugs and encouragement have been so very good for me the past few days :)

      I have so much trouble getting photos without either him or Nutmeg getting up and walking straight to the lens! Samson (the big black one) on the other hand just tries to pretend I'm not there ...